Remember the name John Eisenberg. Apparently, this scumbag and Trump lawyer has a knack for moving evidence of his orange baboon client’s misdeeds to ultra classified White House servers.
Market Update 10/30
As a Halloween treat, the Fed spooked traders later in the session by predictably lowering rates by a quarter point while signaling a pause in future cuts. The Dow then dipped as traders clamored and whispered amongst themselves in self-pity, wondering how they can continue the magnificent bull run without the training wheels, pacifiers and diapers of quantitive easing. But have no fear, their orange whiner in chief will soon enough be lobbying on their behalf for the Fed to cut interest rates to negative zero.
This has been HNOTC reporting from the casino slot machines of the Titanic.
Watchmen Episode 2
“Lost” writer David Lindelof resurrects his old show’s titillating mystery cliffhanger style in his new project, Watchmen, and it works perfectly. The show continues driving us down the rabbit hole and man is it great fun. Episode 2 gives us some leads to the questions from episode 1, provided by the slick goggle sequence, and then even more questions arise. That’s just the way this series is going to shape out, so you better not miss a minute of this one or you’ll be left behind.
Trump Could Nuke Europe and the GOP Would Defend Him
Reports of damning and extremely disturbing testimony regarding the Trump and Zelenskiy phone call have been percolating today. Trump tweeted out that the person testifying is a “never Trumper.” However, that person would actually be White House National Security Expert, Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman. Vindman was on the call that fateful day and is said to have found what was said by Trump to have been a threat to national security.
So, yeah, it looks like this could “be the worst day of Trump’s presidency,” as is said once a week roughly. This orange disgrace couldn’t just shoot someone on 5th Avenue and get away with it. He could threaten our European allies with nuclear obliteration and the GOP would still back him up.
100 dB Boos at World Series
The day following Trump and his entourage being nearly booed out of Nationals Park with chants of “lock him up,” Democratic senator Christopher Coons and Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough publicly denounced the crowd as “un-American” and “sickening,” while ironically THE REST OF AMERICA celebrated the biggest narcissist in the history of the universe being humiliated on worldwide television.
Market Update 10/25
Zzzzzzzz
Crypto Wire 10/25
After several months of trading flat, Bitcoin suffered a crash this week which had everyone screaming the end is nigh. However, the whales had a few tricks up their sleeves as always and pumped it back up today where it resides in the mid-8,000s. Percentage-wise, it was a strong move up and if this action continues, we could see a run past 10k by the end of this weekend. If it’s merely a fake out, then we could revisit the 7ks.
Market Update 10/24
Tesla and Microsoft beat earnings before the bell and stocks were once again mixed with the Dow lagging and the Nasdaq leading. After the bell Amazon took a beating as it whiffed hard on earnings and then followed that up with poor guidance. This has been HNOTC reporting from the karaoke and disco lounge of the Titanic.
Mountain Men are Coming For Us
Some lunatic right wing Christian pastor named Rick Wiles is warning the public that if Trump is removed from office, veterans, cowboys and MOUNTAIN MEN – people who know how to fight – will hunt down democrats.
I don’t know about you, but as soon as I heard that, the tune from Deliverance popped into my head and I couldn’t help but imagining myself and my poor Democratic neighbors and friends getting butt raped by Cleavon while Bubba hollered at us to squeal like pigs!
Trump Says Wall is Being Built in Colorado
A liar, a thief, a scoundrel and a moron walk into a bar and the bartender says: “There’s no fucking border to Mexico in Colorado, Mr. President.”
Move the Doomsday Clock Closer to Midnight
Move it a lot closer to midnight. Google announced today that it has built a quantum computer that can solve a problem in 200 seconds that would take the current fastest supercomputer on the planet 10,000 years to solve. That being said, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the unintended consequences of something so powerful connected to an artificial intelligence. “Alexa, are we cool?”
Market Update 10/22
Stocks were mixed today as McDonald’s missed on earnings. But come on?!? How surprising could that have been? The food is fake and it’s guaranteed to give you diarrhea! Boeing is still dropping as more bad news emerges regarding the Max. Somebody even got canned! It looks like the head of the commercial airplane unit. Hey, I heard there are plenty of openings over at the White House.
NFL Update Week 7
Aaron Rogers threw for a million yards and San Francisco remains undefeated. Teddy Bridgewater says “Brees who?” And nobody cares about the Patriots – not even Bostonians.
Anonymous Trump Official to Publish Tell All Book
The author behind the infamous Times Trump insider Op-Ed is set to release a book titled “Warning” sometime in November. The author will again remain anonymous and reportedly waved off a lucrative book deal, preferring to instead donate book royalties to organizations focusing on government accountability.
I wonder, does the anonymous writer still work for Trump and if so, in what capacity? Is it Kellyanne? It’s interesting to note how she maintains a healthy relationship with her husband who has made a daily routine out of excoriating the president on Twitter. Maybe it’s the White House Chef or the Butler in the Library with the candlestick.
Best New Series “Watchmen”
I confess I am unfamiliar with the comic, but I did watch the 2009 film. Interestingly, having watched the film did not prepare me at all for the first episode of the series. I enjoyed the film but already within a one hour episode the film was eclipsed in all categories by the series. It’s mind bending, mysterious, fun and unpredictable. The only downside is that it is only available on HBO.
Lindsey Graham Changes Tune on Trump’s Handling of Syria
After meeting with Trump on Saturday, Lindsey Graham totally reversed course on his criticism of Trump’s troop withdrawal of Syria, stating “President Trump is thinking outside the box.” Lindsey’s habit of pulling 180s on his views regarding Trump have most Americans wondering just how much dirt Trump has on him. It’s fair to say after this latest boomerang it’s probably something pretty damming and embarrassing. While the news crew here at HNOTC isn’t speculating it’s anything of the gay variety, our expert analyst on deviant behavior and political science wouldn’t rule out something along the lines of a sugar daddy setup with a younger lad from abroad and cuck fetish role playing.
Team Trump Selling “Get Over It!” T-Shirts
Mulvaney’s perfectly executed confession or bumbling idiot rant (whichever it may be) has the Trump T-shirt vendors running to the bank with a newfound sales spike due to Mulvaney’s fortuitous use of the English language. Trump supporters now can add “Get Over It!” tees to the greatest hits collection, including the zingers: Coup, Witch Hunt, Lock Her Up, MAGA, Trump Is My Homeboy, Blacks For Trump, Asians For Trump, Women For Trump, Jesus Died For You Trump Lives For You and Build a Wall Crime Will Fall. With the holidays just around the corner, this new tee is the perfect gift for that one crazy Trump supporting family member.
Halloween Movie Recommendation on HBO Streaming 10/18 “Happy Death Day” and “Happy Death Day 2U”
Fire up Happy Death Day and Happy Death Day 2U. These flicks are genuine laugh out loud horror film parodies with sci fi twists. Think Groundhog Day meets Scream meets Back to the Future. In fact, if you look closely you’ll notice a cool retro poster of Back to the Future in part 2 on the wall of the dorm room.
Joe Scarborough Goes Ballistic on Trump Supporters
Morning Joe was not mincing words Friday morning when he called Trump supporters stupid for eating up all of the lies their leader spews out on a minute to minute basis. He even suggested that the supporters should not be allowed near blenders. He has a point.
Lady GaGa Takes a Licking, Keeps on Ticking
After playfully flirting with a fan on stage, riding and straddling, the two slipped off the edge of the stage and took a fairly big wallop to the ground, causing fans to scream in holy terror! But have no fear, GaGa got right back up on stage and called the fan fellow back up to continue the super energized performance. Well done GaGa!
Rick Perry to Resign as Energy Secretary
It looks like the White House has found themselves the ideal scapegoat in good ole Rick Perry. Alas, if only Trump had not incriminated himself in the phone transcript and then again on national television, this new sad scheme might’ve worked. “Double-down Donnie” brought it on himself.
Thursday Night Football Update 10/17
The Broncos will host the Chiefs tonight. The word on the street is that no one outside of Kansas City wants the Chiefs to win. I mean, when was the last time Kansas City voted for a democrat anyway? And everyone loves an underdog.
ProPublica Reports Bombshell Investigation into Trump’s Taxes
And 24 hours later every other news site is writing about it.
Monday Night Football Recap Week 6
Could some games in the NFL really be fixed? The refs made a strong case for that Monday night. Detroit got robbed.
Market Update Wednesday 10/16
Stocks were essentially flat as retail sales unexpectedly declined and the banksters continued to beat on earnings for the week. After the bell Netflix clobbered earnings expectations, marking their last probable victorious stand in the streaming movie platform sector as Disney plans to go full Darth Vader on the competition.
Giuliani Rakes in $500k From “Fraud Guarantee”
On top of banking $500k from the company with the greatest name in the universe, today Giuliani defied a congressional subpoena to testify in the Ukraine probe. Things could get substantially more comical by the end of this week. As Trump likes to say: Stay tuned.
Halloween Netflix Movie Suggestion for 10/15 “TERRIFIER”
Do clowns scare you? If so, “Terrifier” will terrify you, no joke. Even if you’re not scared of clowns, this is one slasher flick that will make you jump out of your seat and give you the serious creeps.
Market Update Tuesday 10/15
The U.S. president is on the verge of being impeached and possibly removed and the U.S. and world economy are spiraling toward recession, yet the market is continuing its bull run. This has been HNOTC reporting from first class seats on the Hindenburg.
Elizabeth Warren Rocketing Above the Pack
In the latest George Washington University poll, Warren now holds a double digit lead over the early front runner, Biden. Meanwhile, Trump’s Twitter tractor beam still has Biden rolling around in the mud and no one is quite sure when he will break free.
Trump Calls Tlaib “Despicable Human Being”
Rashida Tlaib during an interview with “Deadline Detroit” mentioned in passing that some House Democrats have discussed jailing the stonewallers working to obstruct the impeachment investigation. Once Trump got wind of that he called her a despicable human being. That’s a bit pot meet kettle to say the least. I hope the dems nailed down how many people the House jail can hold, because from the looks of things they’re going to need some space.
Meanwhile, ex-Trump aide, Fiona Hill, is busy testifying today before the impeachment inquiry and against White House wishes. We will just have to wait for Adam Schiff’s comments after today’s testimony to find out exactly how far Fiona stuck her foot up Trump’s ass.
Review Part 2: El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie
Anyone with a brain knows that Vince Gilligan should have taken over at the helm of both Star Wars and Star Trek. While JJ Abrams was honorable to both franchises, Gilligan would have crushed it. Meanwhile, there’s always SS Callister, Black Mirror: Season 4, Episode 1, to check out for Star Trek fans. So yeah, go see the new BB movie in a theater or save money and buy your own popcorn and watch it on your big screen TV.
Giuliani About to be Arrested?
Trump distanced himself from his last fixer, Rudy Giuliani, (current fixer A.G. “Corrupt” Barr) after news broke that two people with solid links to Rudy were arrested on campaign finance charges. Trump stated today that he’s actually not sure if Rudy Rudy Rudy Ruuu-aaah still represents him. Haven’t we seen this movie before? It might seem like several decades ago since his most prolific fixer was sent off to prison, but it was only not long ago. Michael Cohen.
Social Media Erupts After Shepard Smith’s Departure From Fox
According to trending reactions across social media, Shep Smith is widely believed to have been fired. It is interesting to note that the U.S. A.G. and latest Trump fixer, Bill “Corrupt” Barr, was jettisoned to the NY estate of Fox owner, Rupert Murdoch yesterday after a massively embarrassing Fox poll revealed 51 percent of all Americans support impeachment. Coincidentally or maybe not so coincidentally, Shep resigned the next day.
Trump Rips Off a Dead Man
Wednesday, at a campaign rally in Minnesota, Trump played Purple Rain over the loudspeakers for all the deplorables to hear, despite being ordered by Prince’s estate to not ever play a Prince track at his events. Mister president, have you no shame? He then went on to sling insults at The Boss, referring to him disparagingly as “Little Bruce Springsteen.” Could “Little Hands Donald “ be projecting?
Film Review: El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie
Has Vince Gilligan ever created anything less than great? Remember Season 11, Episode 7: “Rm9sbG93ZXJz” of The X-Files? I’d highly recommend this new BB flick as something to watch while waiting on the next season of Better Call Saul, Bitch! (That’s a Pinkman reference, hello!?!?).
Shep Smith, Fox News Anchor, Quits Due to Righteous Conscience
Way to go, Shep! Working for Fox must have felt like selling cigarettes and vape to children. See you on the other side! On a down note: That’s one less sane news host over at the insane asylum. Poor Chris Wallace!
Trump Touts “Phase One” Trade Deal With China
The market surged today on reports that the Trump stooge team reached a partial agreement in its ongoing trade war with China. After Trump announced the deal as “phase one” – leaving investors to wonder if the president is on crack – the DJIA promptly tanked 100 points. If it weren’t for the fact that there was literally less than five minutes left before the closing bell when the announcement was made, things could have got ugly. Meanwhile, money managers were reportedly celebrating today’s rally with cocktails poolside on the deck of the Titanic.
NFL Update Week 6
Patriots and Giants each have one interception in the first quarter, and Golden Tate now plays for the Giants?
Film Review: Joker
Joker: You might love it, think it’s okay or hate it.
Hourly News On The Can 